Zal、Rolba
和
Dan。
「查」(Zal)顯現為一個看似為外在世界的方式。於是一位進入二元狀態的眾生會覺得自己生活在一個封閉的自我中,誤認他自己諸官能(senses)的投影(投射)是與他所執著的自我分開存在的東西。……同樣地那是眾生自己的「能」被那個眾生自己的官能所覺察(感知)而顯現為一個看似外在現象的世界。(《水晶與光道》p.
73)
Zal refers to the way in which it is the very Energy of the individual him
or herself that appears as a seemingly external world. A being who has
entered into
dualism
thus experiences living in a closed off
self,
seemingly separate from a world 'out there', which is experienced as
others, and mistakes the projections of his own senses for objects
existing as separate from this
self
he clings on to. .... so too, it is the individual's own energy
perceived
by that individual's own senses that appears as a world of apparently
external phenomena. (The
Crystal and the Way of Light,
p. 66)
我只是想搞懂幾個關鍵字而已,有了二元、自我跟感知,這樣就清楚多了。上面講的
Zal
是屬於化身層面,接下來的另兩項,分別屬於報身跟法身層面。譬如說
Rolba
羅巴,比較跟我們做夢的境界相關,因為它被譬喻為水晶球中被看到外在世界的內在縮影,以能量來說(南師集團翻譯成「內能」),其「會顯現為一個內在經驗到的像('internally'
experienced image),好像是由心眼(mind's
eyes)所見」(p.
73),這就是所謂的淨觀(pure
vision),書裡提到覺悟眾生的這個層次的經驗為報身,「所指的是在此層次能夠顯現多種奇異的形象」(p.
74)。
我想講的是即便稱為內在影像或內在經驗的影像,都跟身體的感官無涉,但是一位夢修行者若能相對地降低自我我執的業力觀(karmic
vision),就比較能接近報身層次的 pure
vision。當然法身層面的能量顯現(Dan)是無限無相的,如同眾生的能量本來也是無形無相的,由於執著(attachment)的緣故,「the
karmic traces that exist in the stream of consciousness or the individual
give rise to what is perceived as a body, voice, and mind, and as external
environment」(p.
67)。是故出體有沒有一個身體,能不能說話,有無心意也都是習慣的緣故。
這樣摘實在有點累。小佛琳達說的好,一旦停止內在對話,就出現一個開口嗎?
ABE So, an opening emerges when...
FLORINDA D: ...when that dialogue shuts off. Automatically. We don't have
to do anything. And the reason people reject Castaneda as not true is
because it's too simple. But its sheer simplicity makes it the hardest
thing there is to do for us.
ABE: So here is the image, then, or the awareness of a kind human being
who is traveling a parallel path to the world of the Tonal, or the world
of the person, the social person. This other world, his other opening, is
something that has apparently always been there.
FLORINDA D: Yes, it's always there. It's available to all of us. Nobody
wants to tap into it, or people think they want to tap into it, but as Don
Juan pointed out, the seeker is involved in something else, because a
person who seeks already knows what he's seeking.
The disappointment that so many people who are "seekers" have with
Castaneda is because, when he talks to them, well, they have already made
up their mind how things should be. And they are not open. Even if they're
listening, they're not open to anything anymore, because they already know
how it should be, what it is they're seeking. (Being-in-Dreaming: Florinda
Donner in Conversation with Alexander Blair-Ewart,
Dimension,
Feb. 1992)
2009/07/12 Sun, sunny, outdoor 27-35°C 唐望故事是操作手冊;禁慾才能獲得能量
凌晨看到小佛琳達講到比較對應於南開師講無限的潛能、自我的囚籠的一段:
FLORINDA D: Yes, exactly, very complex. For Don Juan and his people, to
talk about sorcery and witchcraft, with all those negative connotations,
they couldn't care less what we called the practices. For them it was very
very abstract. To them sorcery is an abstraction, and it was this idea of
expanding the limits of perception. Because, for them, our choices in life
are limited by the social order. We have boundless options, but by
accepting these choices, of course, we set a limit to our limitless
possibilities.
FLORINDA D: ....lost or caged in by the social order. They put blinds on
us the moment we are born. Look at the way we coerce the child to perceive
the way we perceive. (Being-in-Dreaming: Florinda Donner in Conversation
with ABE,
Dimension,
Feb. 1992)
正好《水晶與光道》上也講到:「在大圓滿中重要的是行者必須實際觀察自己,看看自己身語心的狀態是怎樣的,於是行者發現在每個官能中自己是怎樣被限制的,自己是怎樣被關在二元之籠的諸限制之中的。……所以第一件要做的是發現籠子。」(pp.
82-83)
再回來講小佛琳達的訪談。小佛琳達對於採談所問依然有些交代不清,譬如記者問她為何卡氏寫這些書,她的答案則是說總有些人會認真看待,然後
get hooked,但是她並沒有說唐望斯人已遠,卡氏最後千山獨行,get
hooked
以後的這些人該如何修學呢?這不應該是一位被稱為
new seer
的淺碟式回答。
ABE: Why did Castaneda write his books?
FLORINDA D.: Because it was a task; it was a sorceric task. That Don Juan
impressed upon him. Castaneda is the last of his line. There is no one
else. There's a group of Indians that we work with. You see, Don Juan, in
a weird way made almost a mistake with Castaneda, when he first was put in
touch, whatever the design or power of the spirit was which put Don Juan
face to face with Castaneda. And he rallied right away. And then, years
later, Don Juan realizes that that's not the way Castaneda is going.
Castaneda was even more abstract than Don Juan was. His path was a totally
different path.
Well, somebody has to get hooked by it. And people do. For us, for our
mentality as the western ape, as Don Juan always called us, you see, we
have to be hooked first intellectually, because obviously that's how our
whole being works.
ABE: So, the knowledge is made available to millions of people, and people
become hooked by it. And does that mean that the tradition has now begun
to proliferate itself in that way, also?
FLORINDA D: I don't know. (Being-in-Dreaming: Florinda Donner in
Conversation with ABE,
Dimension,
Feb. 1992)
這就是回答,有點令人失望的回答。整個訪談沒有超出我們本來從唐望故事系列書籍上就知道的事情,不過有一個很小的地方,當記者問若是有人
get hooked by this tradition
怎麼知道呢?小佛琳達講到:「
For instance, Castaneda's books spell out very clearly...if you read
Castaneda's books carefully, they're almost
manuals.」言下之意,如果唐望迷真的被這個傳承所吸引且願意付諸實行,參照卡氏所寫十一本的「操作手冊」就可以按表操課了。這真的是有點鋌而走險。我覺得這是一個不負責的方式。
另外小佛琳達也如同本書一開頭講到女性的子宮是能量的基地,性交使女性成為男人的能量供應商,而所有巫士能做的練習唯有能量到位才能進行,接著記者當然要問如何聚集能量(accumulating
energy),難道要抱獨身(celibate)嗎(實指禁慾)?小佛琳達說:「
Well, it's very difficult, but it would be a good try, at least to start out
with.」
ABE: How do you accumulate energy?
FLORINDA D: To start off with, at least at the beginning, it was Don
Juan's idea that the best energy that we have is our sexual energy. It's
the only energy that we really have, and most of our sexual energy is
squandered.
It's the same for men and women. The only thing is with women you see that
energetically the woman takes on the burden of feeding the man through
their energetic filaments. So, in that sense, it's worse for women.
(Being-in-Dreaming: Florinda Donner in Conversation with ABE,
Dimension,
Feb. 1992)
另有一點是大圓滿跟唐望傳承相同的態度是:不判斷也不排拒任何事情。
you can abandon this idea of the self. It's not that you're going to laugh
at others. But you find them despicable, and yet you don't want to judge
them, either. You know, Don Juan always said if some truthful change has
taken place there is no way to be rejected, whatever it means to be
rejected. I don' t know. (Being-in-Dreaming: Florinda Donner in
Conversation with ABE,
Dimension,
Feb. 1992)
小佛琳達什麼都不知道。最後訪談的結論是,為什麼我們要看小佛琳達寫的《Being-in-Dreaming》,合況又寫得那麼爛呢?
ABE: Why would a woman read this book
Being-in-Dreaming?
FLORINDA D: Well, if nothing else, I think people who have been interested
in the Castaneda work, would be interested to see it presented from a
female's perspective, from somebody who has been in that work for over
twenty years. I do approach the problems differently, probably more
directly. The thing is
perception.
Even our human
bodies...the
body is, again, a consequence of perception. We are trapped as
persons;
we are trapped in language,
and that's exactly what the sorcerer, through energy, wants to get out
of. (Being-in-Dreaming: Florinda Donner in Conversation with ABE,
Dimension,
Feb. 1992)
剛好講到身語意的層面,所有的限制需要靠能量來破除。
200
2009/07/13 Mon, raining/cloudy/sunny, outdoor 28-33°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》:知識跟修行並不衝突
根據小佛琳達的說法,為什麼她要去念
PhD,不僅是因為卡氏崇尚知識的追求,她說只有真正進入後出來才有資格說話。
ABE: So, there was the sorcerer's task of writing the books. What I'm
trying to get at is, that this knowledge, just as knowledge, becomes
available now and is available to millions of people in this form. What is
the purpose of that?
FLORINDA D: Well, somebody has to get hooked by it. And people do. For us,
for our mentality as the western ape, as Don Juan always called us, you
see, we have to be hooked first intellectually, because obviously that's
how our whole being works. When I was in school, I was just a step away
from going into graduate school, and l had been in this world for two or
three years, and I said, "What am I doing by continuing school? Why should
I get a PhD.? It's absolutely redundant." And Don Juan and all the women
said it's absolutely not redundant,
because in order to reject something you have to understand it at its most
sophisticated.
You can only say it after you have at least have made some attempt to
understand it.
There's no reason to reject it, and when plunging into this world of the
'second attention' and 'dreaming awake', your mind has to be so well
trained for you to emerge again, to come out with the knowledge. Because
if you have not the brain or the mind to do it, you might as well just go
throw stones in the desert; because it's meaningless. And for them it was
extremely important that all of us are very well trained. Everyone working
within this little group has a degree. There are historians,
anthropologists, librarians. (Being-in-Dreaming: Florinda Donner in
Conversation with ABE,
Dimension,
Feb. 1992)
所以我也熱愛知識,只不過是為了出來後丟棄它。王靜蓉幫我寫序時一直認為我是學者型的修行人,她說修行跟知識是相衝突的,得放下知識的負擔才能得見。基本上我也不是死抓知識不放,被我瞭解後丟棄的也不少,就跟過氣明星歌手一樣。與神對話、奧修、賽斯都被我丟棄了,不是出於不瞭解,而是出於不適合我,至少時序上是不需要了。
清醒需要很多很多能量,曉蔚試圖從她可以掌握的心靈知識來獲取了解,她的了解為何?在本書她每每以摘錄書文穿針引線替她說話,期望,在下一本著作她能將體會傳達出來。
因為我看見了一種在她大量閱讀時平行進行的東西,這東西震撼過她卻被她忽略或不得不忽略了。這是一種真實的能量,得放下知識的束縛與牽掛才能遇見。
知識是曉蔚的一個重擔(也是抱負吧),她是個學者型的靜心者,而這兩者的精神相異。內在生命的轉化來自體驗與療癒,來自以心靈力量去轉變經驗上的幻相,進入內在的本質;轉化與知識無關,甚至是挑戰你所熱愛的知識的。這些心靈訊息雖然可貴,但不經驗證不知真假,不能以知識來綑綁生命,反要以生命為主體來化解知識。
思想,是內在轉化的陷阱,當背負知識,思想就會介入假裝「已經知道」,思想不斷介入,欲放掉思想則需有很多能量,直接看真實的。
知識使得「知道」真假難辨,便有所謂「看山是山,看山不是山,看山又是山」的歷程。(——王靜蓉)
唐望看了四年還沒丟棄,密咒乘的修法我恐怕不是很勝任,唸了半天咒一點感應都沒有,心靈更亂能量更差。
我們今天回頭來摘
Being-in-Dreaming。由於小佛琳達在打書訪談中說此書是為了有別於男性成員而特別寫的女巫士觀點,卡氏也說女做夢者有另外的做夢大道,所以他無法指導。另小佛琳答說她其實算是卡氏的門徒而非唐望的門徒,這意思是說一位
nagual
也要負責教導巫士同儕。
Sorcerers are bound to their world solely through their impeccability.
Sorcerers have no interest to convert anyone to their views. There are no
gurus or wise men among sorcerers, only naguals. They are the leaders, not
because they know more or because they are in any way better sorcerers,
but simply because they have more energy. I'm not necessarily referring to
physical strength, but to a certain configuration of their being that
permits them to help anyone break the parameters of perception. (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 185)
但什麼叫完美無缺?
BE: Talk about impeccability. What is impeccability?
FLORINDA D:
You know exactly what you have to do.
(Being-in-Dreaming: Florinda Donner in Conversation with ABE,
Dimension,
Feb. 1992)
就這麼簡單。接續前面講的,一件事情除非瞭解不然沒資格說話,卡氏這裡強調直覺是無義的,我最近在哪也看到同樣的描述。他說:「To
know something only intuitively is meaningless. Flashes of insight need to
be translated into some coherent thought, otherwise they are purposeless.」(p.
218)
He explained that sorcerers are men of knowledge rather than men of
reason. As such, they are a step ahead of Western intellectual men who
assume that reality—which is often equated with truths—is knowable through
reason. A sorcerer claims that all that is knowable through reason is our
thought processed but that it is only by understanding our total being, at
its most sophisticated and intricate level, that can we eventually erase
the boundaries with which reason defines reality.
Isidoro Baltazar explained to me that sorcerers cultivate the totality of
their being. That is, sorcerers don't necessarily make a distinction
between our rational and our intuitive sides. They
use both to reach the realm of awareness they call silent knowledge, which
lies beyond language, beyond thought.
Sorcerers know that whenever they leap into unknown,
they need to have a well-developed rational side.
Only then will they be able to explain and make sense of whatever they
might bring forth from their journey into the unknown. (Being-in-Dreaming,
pp. 218-219)
所以知識跟判斷並非絕對的錯,端賴其是否障蔽我們,並非要放下知識的抱負才能得見真理。雖然小佛琳達這本書不像卡氏清楚描述自己如何修學唐望知識體系,包括訓練的過程及方法,但是全書不乏有些巫士前輩的精彩言談,這是在卡氏書裡比較少見的。我們摘了克萊拉說、老佛琳達說、蘇麗卡說,唐哲那羅有說我沒摘,他說要聽風的低語,因為那是在小佛琳達巫士野餐夢「初灌」(an
initiation)講的,我補述一下,唐哲那羅嫌她充滿「染污」,需要「淨化」:
"I realize that my words don't make much sense to you. That's because
there is too much crust on you. It prevents you from hearing what the wind
has to say."
"Too much crust?" I asked, puzzled and suspicious. "Do you mean that I'm
dirty?"
"That, too." He smiled and repeated that I was enveloped by too thick a
crust and that this crust couldn't be washed away with soap and water.
"You are filled with judgments," he explained. "They prevent you from
understanding what I'm telling you and that the wind is yours to command."
(Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 23)
以上是唐哲那羅給予小佛琳達的講話。
2009/07/14 Tue, raining/cloudy, indoor 31.1°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》:巫士寫作法
Esperanza
說要
free from wanting anything,她跟小佛琳達說:「一旦成為巫士家族的一員,而開始抓住夢的本質,妳就能瞭解巫術究竟為何,這份瞭解讓妳自由。」(p.
227)好像有首歌叫黃鶯鶯的〈讓愛自由〉,是否也可以這麼同義改寫:當我成為修行世界的一員,而開始抓住修行的本質,我就能瞭解修行究竟為何,這份瞭解可以讓人自由。
下面是巫士寫作。小佛琳達跟卡氏達尼達想去巫士之家,但卡氏一路往南去到了Esperanza
之家。小佛琳達帶了
term paper
要寫,在這她又碰到
caretaker
跟老佛琳達還有奈莉達,Esperanza
丟給她一把削好的鉛筆,就寫就是了,不然連院子都不可去。但是似乎幾天下來沒有進展。Caretaker
過來也參一腳,一開始小佛琳達還懷疑他會看英文嗎,因為他們都講西班牙語,caretaker
堅持要看她的草稿:
He insisted I bring him the paper. I did. He spread out the pages all
around him, some on the mat, others on the dusty ground, then retrieved
from his shirt pocket a pair of metal-rimmed glasses and put them on.
.....
"You're only paraphrasing what you have read," the caretaker continued. "I
demand you rely more on your own opinions, even if they contradict what is
expected of you."
"If you want to draw strength from the sorcerers' world, you can no longer
work under such premise. Ulterior motives are not acceptable in this
magical world of ours. If you want to be a graduate student, then you have
to behave like a warrior, not like a woman who had been trained to please.
You know, even when you are beastially nasty, you strive to please. Now,
whenever you write, since you were not trained to do writing, you can
certainly adopt a new mood: the warriors' mood."
"What do you mean by the warriors' mood?" I asked. "Do I have to fight my
professors?"
"Not your professors," he said. "You have to fight yourself. Every inch of
the way. And you have to do it so artfully and so cleverly that no one
will notice your struggle." (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 234)
前面是前提,要持有巫士的心態為自己奮戰,接下來
caretaker
示範巫士寫作法;
"Didn't you notice how I did it? I picked the thoughts out of thin air. I
simply stretched my energy fibers and hooked those thoughts, as one hooks
fish with a fishing line, from the immeasurable ocean of thoughts and
ideas that is out there." He made a wide gesture with his arms, as though
to encompass the very air around him. (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 234)
前面我沒摘的是
caretaker
做出對小佛琳達所寫報告的犀利評論,因此小佛琳達頻做筆記,還問他是不是曾經研讀過歷史、哲學及人類學。但小佛琳達畢竟是極有天份,她依樣畫葫蘆,雖然可能她並不知道自己在
dreaming-awake:
The fog was denser now. It closed around me with very breath I drew. It
seeped inside me, filling me with a deep excited feeling of lightness and
lucidity, Guided by some invisible source, I sat at the table and spread
out the pages all around me. Right under my watchful eyes the entire
structure of my paper emerged, superimposing itself on my original draft
like a double exposure on a frame of film.
I lost myself in admiration of the skilled development of the themes. As
if they were being maneuvered by some invisible hand that thought and
wrote, the paragraphs rearranged themselves imposing a new order. I was
all so gorgeously clear and simple that I laughed out of joy.
"Write it dome."
The words echoed softly in the room. Curious, I glanced all around me, but
I saw no one. Knowing that whatever I was experiencing was definitely more
than a dream, I reached for my notepad and a pencil and began to write
with a furious speed. Ideas came to me with an incredible clarity and
ease. They pulsated in my head and in my body like sound waves. I
simultaneously heard and saw the words. Yet it wasn't my eyes or my ears
that perceived what was there before me. Rather, it was some filaments
within me that were reaching out and, kike some noiseless vacuum cleaner,
sucking up the word shining before me like dust particles. (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 237)
還有一段明天再抄。
2009/07/15 Wed, sunny, outdoor 33-31°C, indoor 30.1°C 《Being-in-Dreaming》:巫士時間觀
昨天巫士寫作還沒摘完,可能寫英文沒人看,那我也沒辦法囉。
After a while, the order superimposed on my paper began to blur. One by
one the lines faded away. Desperately, I tried to hold on to this splendid
structure, knowing that it would all vanish without a trace. Only the
memory of my awareness of that magnificent lucidity remained. And then
that, too, was extinguished, as if a candle had been blown out. A curl of
fog, as fine as a thread, lingered in the room. Then it withdrew in little
ripples, and an oppressive darkness closed in around me. I was so drained,
I knew I was going to faint.
"Lie down!"
I didn't even bother to look up, knowing that I wouldn't be able to see
anyone. With great effort, I rose from my chair and staggered to my bed. (Being-in-Dreaming,
pp. 237-238)
小佛琳達這本書是第三本,前兩本都不是跟唐望巫士傳承有關,或者她本來就是作家,所以用的英文比卡氏高級一些,描述場景人物包括表情衣著的細節也很多,相較起來比較沒有直搗核心,但因為過場的人多沒有主從,因此整本書就是誰說了什麼的大總集。若根據小佛琳達接受訪問時的說法,卡氏寫唐望故事也是他的巫士任務,唐望曾經要求他同樣地用巫士的心態與強化意識狀態來寫作,並把他那堆無用的田野調查筆記整理出清,但卡氏沒有說明他是如何以強化意識寫作的,小佛琳達的經驗可供我們參考。
之前去上靈氣課時,也有提到每本書都有能量,厲害的人的確可以用手碰觸一本書或一頁,就可以感受到書中或該頁的訊息,這跟台大校長李嗣涔的手指識字不同,手指識字是一種特異功能,能量感知則是轉換意識進入能量層面汲取空氣中的書本訊息,我沒有這樣的經驗,做夢倒是有類似的「隔空而知」的情況。
隨後小佛琳達寫完報告,睡醒時碰到佛琳達,沒一會兒她發覺一天時間又過去了,然後問怎麼回事她損失了一天,還問她現在是不是處於強化意識狀態,老佛琳達跟她解釋巫士時間的使用方式:
"Sorcerers break time's flux," Florinda answered my thoughts. "Time, in
the fashion we measure it, doesn't exist when one dreams the way sorcerers
dream. Sorcerers stretch or compress time at will. For sorcerers, time is
not a matter of minutes or hours or days but an altogether different
matter.
"When
dreaming-awake, our perceptual faculties are heightened.
However, when it comes to perceiving time, something altogether different
happens. The perception of time does not become heightened but is canceled
out completely." She added that time is always a factor of consciousness;
that is, to be aware of time is a psychological state that we
automatically transform into physical measurements. It is so ingrained in
us that we can hear, even when we are not consciously aware of it, a clock
ticking inside us, subliminally
下意識地
keeping track of time. (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 242)
我們一做夢就取消時間的有效性了,因此上面說的是一旦進入強化意識也取消時間的有效性,那真是很厲害。資深佛友很早也講過高級修行人這樣的作法,那就是他的上師一天當好幾天用,可以完成非常大量的事。但是藏密書籍我看到現在都沒有提到意識分階,只有淨觀或境界,我覺得這些都沒有把相關環境的預設值或超乎預設值講清楚。
"In dreaming-awake, that capacity is absent," she emphasized. "A
thoroughly new, unfamiliar structure which somehow is not tobe understood
or interpreted as we normally do with time, takes over."
"Then all I will ever consciously know about dreaming-awake is that time
has either been stretched or compressed," I said.
"You will understand a great deal more than that. Once you become adept at
entering heightened awareness, as Mariano Aureliano
唐望
calls it, you'll be aware then of whatever you wish because sorcerers are
not involved in measuring time. They are involved in using it, in
stretching or compressing it at will." (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 242)
至於小佛琳達問她現在是強化意識嗎?老佛琳達回答說,
"If I am, what did I do to reach this state? What steps did I take."
(p.
242)意思跟做夢者班一樣,若新成員問我這是出體嗎?就應該先想我是如何達到這樣的狀態的?以及有什麼步驟可以達到?老佛琳達的答案是:「You
didn't let yourself be your usual self. That is the key that opens doors.」唐望也說達成做夢的巫士,必然已經放降低自我重要感以及停止內在對話到相當程度。
"We have told you many times and in many ways that sorcery is not at usual
self is sorcery's most complex secret sounds like idiocy, but it isn't. It
is the key to power, therefore the most difficult thing a sorcerer does.
And yet, it isn't something complex or impossible to understand. It
doesn't boggle the mind, and for that reason no one can even suspect its
importance or take it seriously.
"Judging by the result of your latest dreaming-awake, I can say that you
have accumulated enought energy, through preventing yourself from being
your usual self." (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 243)
2007/07/18
07:13PM
2009/07/21 Tue, sunny, outdoor 37-34°C
《Being-in-Dreaming》:知識從個人明性自然顯現
即便小佛琳達受教後也
dreaming-awake
連續工作了三天,但她的境界實在不能跟文生相比。在《巫士的穿越中》,塔夏莎所遇到的
caretaker
則是艾密力圖。
就小佛琳達寫研究所報告運用巫士寫作這件事,首先
Espreanza
談到對於知識的態度,有點像藏密的聞思修,她說:「Not
even with the aid of sorcery. You should know that without the preliminary
reading, the note taking, and the writing and rewriting, you should never
been able to recognize the structure and order of your term paper in
dreaming.」(p.
244)意思說不能自己全無所知就能仰賴巫術寫出一篇超級論文,而奈莉達更強調:
"To reach a degree of knowledge, sorcerers work twice as hard as normal
people. Sorcerers have to make sense of the everyday world as well as the
magical world. To accomplish that, they have to highly skilled and
sophisticated, mentally as well as physically." (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 245)
小佛琳達在
dreaming-awake
狀態努力巫士寫作了三天,她自認為是
simple and effortless,她只是看到報告的一個新版本,然後把它照抄下來。而奈莉達解釋說,即是是這樣已經花費所有的力氣,因為「While
dreaming-awake, you channeled all your energy into a single purpose. All
your concern and effort went into finishing your paper. Nothing else
mattered to you at the moment. You had no other thoughts to interfere with
your endeavor.」(p.
245)這完全說的是專注,而我想
dreaming-awake
狀態就是唐望所形容的強化意識狀態,如卡氏曾經問過的,外人看起來他就像喝醉一樣,是故這不是
dreaming,也沒有睡,所以可以從事任何日常的事務,但是使用一種半夢半醒的如同罪拳的武功,而半夢半醒狀態我們知道可以連接到隱含秩序層。
小佛琳達問文生給他的報告
comments
時,是否也如她所見這般,Espreanza
解釋說文生在小佛琳達報告中看到的跟小佛琳達看到然後寫下來的不一樣:
"Quite naturally so, for his knowledge is by far moor vast than yours.
"Guided by his suggestions, and according to your own capacities, you saw
what your paper ought to read like. That's what you wrote down.
"While dreaming-awake, we have access to hidden resources, which we never
use ordinarily," Nelida said, going on to explain thtat, the instant I saw
my paper, I remembered the clues the caretaker had given me. (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 246)
我們是否可以說這也是出自明性?不僅
dreaming-awake/heightened awareness
可以連接至「hidden
resources」,Espreanza
更說:「When
dreaming-awake, we have access to direct knowledge.」奈莉達再補充:「Dreaming-awake
should have made you realized that you have, as all women do, a unique
capacity to receive knowledge directly.」(p.
246)看來唐望巫士知識跟大圓滿英雄所見略同。
但這裡為什麼要強調女人呢?難道跟男人不同嗎?接下來又是圓錐圖解,我們上次說過了,男生是正圓錐,尖頂在上,代表「Men
build knowledge step by step」、「men
cone toward the spirit; they cone up toward knowledge」;而女人剛好顛倒,「Women
are able to open themselves directly to the source, or the source reaches
them directly」;「women's
connection to knowledge is expansive」。看不懂,對不對?結論:
Men are close to the concrete, and aim at the abstract.
Women are close to the abstract and yet try to indulge themselves with the
concrete.
我可以了解的是,女性確實比男性擁有敏感體質,就是容易感受到抽象的事務,某種神秘的玄奧的力量或磁場,但又易於放縱自己於物質世界;男性比較務實於現實世界,但目標是否放在抽象,學習去理解玄奧的事務或受到吸引。女人比較像是天生如此,男人是受到吸引。這是一個概略的印象。
2009/07/25 Sat, raining, indoor 31.9°C
《Being-in-Dreaming》:如何使用子宮的力量?
看不太懂:
"What does it mean to use the womb?" I interjected
插嘴.
"And how is it done?"
"You are a woman," Esperanza said softly.. "You know how to feel with your
womb."
"In order to focus your attention with your womb, get an object and put it
on your belly or rub it on your genitalia
生殖器." She
laughed uproariously
喧鬧地
at my look of dismay
氣餒,
then, in between fits of laughter, chided
責罵
me, "I wasn't that bad. I could have said that you need to smear 塗抹 the
object with your juices
體液,
but I didn't." (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 279)
小佛琳達的書我幾乎不查字典,所以看得迷迷糊糊。啊所以要我們自淫啦,才能利用到子宮的能量。這個
object
指什麼?按摩棒嗎?
"Once you establish a deep familiarity with the object, it'll always be
there to serve you as a bridge."
這女生看的啦,男生沒有子宮,男生靠的是腦,"In
men, feeling originate in the brain." Esperanza
說:"Think
about it. A woman is heartless except with her brood
所有孩子
because her feelings are coming from her womb."
(p.
279)
Being-in-Dreaming
不知道寫這本書的用意是什麼?小佛琳達一點都沒有寫到自己如何修學,我重看到倒數第二章,唐望及同夥已經準備離世了,而這時小佛琳達才入門三年,所以你覺得三年能學會什麼?或者說「初灌」(first
initiation)以後,行者要靠自己的力量去鞏固當初的瞥見成為真正的目擊,那意味成為一名看見者。不過在這本書裡什麼都沒有說到。不過看到最後終於了解為什麼做夢者小佛琳達會繼承頭號潛獵者老佛琳達的名號,這是全書蘇麗卡初次現身說法:
"You're a stalker, and you belong, by all rights to Florinda. You also a
somnambulist
夢遊症患者
and a great natural dreamer, and by virtue of your ability, you also
belong to me."
蘇麗卡解釋說,「I
am Zuleica. Esperanza is my other self. Sorcerers call it the dreaming body.」(p.
262)所以我出體也要換個名字不叫本名,我要叫什麼呢?重點是這兩個人看起來不一樣才行。我還沒看到我記得有一個男的(按:就是
caretaker),他或者是蘇麗卡可以以男生做夢體出現。所以師父說男變女、女變男,都有可能辦到。
我們往前回到昨天下午摘到女生要有
guts and mind,如此才能「act
on our magical side」,那是什麼呢?又是子宮!我真為婦女長個瘤隨隨便便就被婦科醫生摘除子宮感到難過,我曾看過報導,說手術中有百分之七十的子宮都是沒必要摘除的。
"The womb is the ultimate feminine organ. It is the womb that gives women
that extra edge, that extra force to channel their energy."
She explained that men, in their quest for supremacy, have succeeded in
reducing woman's mysterious power, her womb, to a strictly biological
organ, whose only function is to reproduce, to carry man's seed. (p. 251)
因為前篇提到女性是如此接近抽象,男人是用圓錐的頂點接觸抽象,女人則是用圓錐的底部,但發軔於子宮,因此古代女祭司跟女神巫總是擁有強大的力量。男性為了鞏固領導地位,無所不用其極將女性扁為次等公民,直至今日很多聖堂廟宇禁止女性進入,女性被排除擔重職,特別是宗教跟神秘有關的事務。下面這段我也有點看不懂,沒講很清楚:
Nelida rose, "Do you know the story of the Annunciation
天使報喜節(3月25日)?"
she whispered in my ear.
She proceeded to tell me that in the Judeo-Christian tradition, men are
the only ones who hear the voice of God. Women have been excluded from
that privilege
恩典殊榮,
with the exception of the Virgin Mary.
Nelida said that an angel whispering to Mary was, of course, natural. What
wasn't natural was the fact that all the angel had to say to Mary was that
she would bear the son of God. The womb did not receive knowledge
but rather the promise of God's seed. A male god, who engendered another
male god in turn.
那意思是子宮可以接收知識嗎?可是極喜金剛他媽,那位尼姑公主也是處女受胎,也生男的活佛,還有世親跟無著兩位大菩薩也是一位尼姑想作番大事業:就是跟人生出兩個大菩薩,女人的子宮都是拿來出產男人名產的。
"What about the male socerers?" I asked. "They don't have a womb, yet they
are clearly connected to the spirit."
Esperanza whispered," Sorcerers are able to align themselves to intent, to
the spirit, because they have given up what specifically defines their
masculinity. And they are no longer males." (p. 251)
這是說男巫士都成了公公了嗎?我想當然不是,而是男變女、女變男都可以啊,死亡拒絕者不是變成一個女的了嗎?小佛琳達採訪有講到女性開刀摘除子宮這件事:
FLORINDA D: The new seers? For the women it is very important, this idea
that the womb is not just an organ of reproduction. In order to activate
this, our intent has to be different. In order to change our intent we go
back again to energy. You see, we don' t really know what it means to use
the womb as an organ for being, an organ of light, of intuition. For us,
intuition really is something that has already been defined. There is no
real intuition anymore, because we intuit with our brains. Don Juan was
interested in women, and people always ask, "Well, how come there are
always so many women? Do you have orgies? Is there all kinds of stuff
going on?" He said, "No, it's because the male doesn't have the womb. He
needs that magical 'womb power' (laughter). " It's very important, you
see.
ABE: Let me ask some technical questions there, if I may, on behalf of my
female readers. Does the womb have to be fully functioning? I mean, if a
woman had her tubes tied, would her womb still work?
FLORINDA D: Yes, as long as she doesn't have a hysterectomy.
ABE: So long as the womb isn't removed...
FLORINDA D: ...if the womb is there, yes. (Being-in-Dreaming: Florinda
Donner in Conversation with Alexander Blair-Ewart, Dimension, Feb. 1992)
2009/07/26 Sun, cloudy, indoor 30.9°C
《Being-in-Dreaming》:aligning
oneself with intent
Being-in-Dreaming,老是講子宮也不是辦法,但這本名是為女性巫士觀點的書,可能男人不適合看。最後再摘一句,Esperanza
說:「Women,
because they have a womb, can focus their attention with great facility on
something outside their dreams while dreaming. That's precisely what you
have been doing all along, unbeknownst
不知地
to yourself. The object become a bridge that connects you to intent.」(p.
278)
說到唐望同夥一行巫士十六人及將要大遷轉虹光身離世,靠的恐怕不是完全證悟,而是 nagual
超強的能量。資深佛友曾說大成就者對著草地上的羊群吹一口氣也通通虹光身。但是就我所知,老佛琳達跟奈莉達沒跟著走,文生也他哪都不去,所以卡氏說有十六個,不知道是不是把二線巫士算進去(有些人沒算在十六人內的當門柱用的巫士)?像後來卡氏也說他們成員有六位,不是我們所知的三位女門徒。
關於前面所提的
object,沒有很清楚的說明,不過前面提到小佛琳達在做夢狀態看到如夢的老佛琳達,她抬手想跟她招呼,但被一隻藍色的蝴蝶羅織出空中藍色的影子所分心,藍蝴蝶非向她停在她手上,一步步分解幻化成一只套在她中指上的戒指。
"It's an optical illusion?"
"It's a lovely ring. It's a magnificent gift. Didn't you notice the ring
before?" the caretaker asked.
"You've been wearing that ring since Florinda gave it to you."
……
"The ring in itself has no power, regardless of who made it," Florinda
assured me. "The power was in making. The nugual who made this ring was
aligned so thoroughly with what sorcerers call intent that he was able to
produce this lovely jewel without him being a a jeweler. The ring was an
act of pure intent. You will use the ring to align
使結盟
yourself with intent." (Being-in-Dreaming,
pp. 256-257)
關於這個
aligning oneself with intent,連上意願,老佛琳達解釋說:「You
might not know what the word means, but something in you intuits how to tap
the force. She whispered that I had always used intent to move from dream to
reality or to bring my dream—whatever it might have been—to reality.」後者就是小佛琳達的
nightmares,她把噩夢帶進現實。說真的如果小佛琳達從開頭到結尾都沒有學什麼,一切都是因為她的天賦異秉,我不知道這本書給讀者什麼啟發或者啟示?沒有任何一點關於她努力自學的部分,讀過兩遍還是對我一點幫助都沒有。這個戒指其實是在夢中打造的發明物:
"The inventions frighten you, and the ring delights you. Since both are
dreams, it can easily be the reverse . . .This , dear, is a world of
dreams. We are teaching you how to bring them about all by yourself, At
the moment, all the sorcerer of the nagual Mariano Aureliano's party help
you enter into this world and are helping you to stay in it now.
You are the same but in a different world. Energy that comes from your
savings and from the loan all of us made you." (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 258)
2009/08/19 Wed, cloudy , outdoor 36-32°C°
《Being-in-Dreaming》:bird
of freedom
Being-in-Dreaming
最後一章,小佛琳達枯等三個月沒見到卡司塔尼達蹤影,開車直殺巫士之家,枯後七天半個人影都沒看到,那批巫士全部離開了。她心中有無比的憂傷,最大的憂傷莫過於失去她的
nagual
卡斯塔尼達,因為她想起唐望曾跟他說自由之鳥的比喻:
The nugaul Mariano Aureliano had once told me that sorcerers, when they
talk among themselves, speak of sorcery as a bird; they call it the bird
of freedom. They say that the bird of freedom only flies in a straight
line and never comes around twice. They also say that it is the nuagual
who lures the bird of freedom. It is he who entices the bird to shed its
shadow on the worrior's path. Without that shadow, there is no direction.
(Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 289)
所以小佛琳達覺得她已經失去自由之鳥了,她說:「I
had lost the nagual and, without him, all hope and purpose. And what
weighted the most my heart was that the bird of freedom flew away so fast it
didn't give me time to thank them properly, didn't give me time to express
my endless admiration.」(pp.
289-290)這是我整本書看到最感人的地方:沒有
nagual
就沒有自由的希望,這跟對上師的關係一樣。
唐望團體大遷轉虹光身離開人世,在唐望故事裡都沒有仔細的說明,當然這裡也沒有,但我們還是看一下,當時三年資歷的小佛琳達怎麼說的:
How can it be possible that they vanished like that? A meaningless,
superfluous 不必要的 question,
considering what I had experienced and witnessed in their world. All it
revealed was my true nature: meek 懦弱 and
doubting. For the sorcerers had told me for years that
their ultimate purpose was to burn, to disappear, swallowed by the force
of awareness.
The old nagual and his party of sorcerers were ready, but I didn't know
it.
They had been preparing themselves nearly all their lives for the ultimate
audacity
大無畏:
to dream-awake
that they sneak
偷溜
past death—as we ordinarily know death to be—and cross over into the
unknown,
enhancing, without breaking, the unity of their total energy.
(Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 290)
單字很多也。真是蠻好的憧憬。這裡提到卡斯塔尼達也「走了」,是他隨唐望巫士到山頂,當然他不是去「自焚」,而是去跳崖,要在到達谷底時重新聚合出一個世界,結果他回到洛杉磯他家,但我不知道他這跳跳了三個月還沒到家,因為小佛琳達也在洛杉磯,沒理由乾等三個月。所以是否時間上出現差異,卡斯塔尼達《戰士旅行者》只說花了幾天功夫吧。小佛琳達還懊悔一些事情:
My regret was most intense upon recalling how my usual
doubting self
would emerge when I least expected it. I was not that I didn't believe
their stupendous
了不起,
otherworldly, yet so practical aim and purpose. Rather, I would explain
them away,
integrate them, make them fit into the everyday world of common sense—not
quite, perhaps, but certainly coexisting with what was normal and familiar
to me. (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 290)
所以小佛琳達也要將教法整合於日常生活嗎?後來老佛琳達終於出現,她說她跟蘇麗卡都沒跟隨唐望團體一起走,因為在情感上她們比較貼近老師胡里安,而胡里安團體都是成員個別走的,不像唐望那麼符合傳統規定,巫士的實際總是視情況而定。老佛琳達安慰小佛琳達說:
"Tears are meaningless for sorcerers. When you joined the sorcerers' world
you were mad to understand that the designs of fate, no matter what they
are, are merely challenges that a sorcerer must face without resentment or
self-pity.
Why don't you heed my suggestion and behave impeccably regardless of your
feelings.
You don't need the nagual to be an impeccable
完美無缺
sorceress. Your impeccability should lead you to him even if he's no
longer in the world.
To live impeccably within your circumstance is your challenge.
Whether you see Isidoro Baltazar tomorror or in a year or at the end of
your life should make no difference to you." (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 292)
這也是修行道上的行者應該有的態度。
2009/08/20 Thur, sunny , outdoor 34-31°C°
《Being-in-Dreaming》:完結篇
Being-in-Dreaming,記錄上是從
p. 258
跳到
p. 289,事實上中間沒什麼可摘的,不然就是幾小處有摘過了,所以就算不情願我們今天也得大結局了。小佛琳達在空無一人的巫士之家,醒醒睡睡,陸續老佛琳達跟蘇麗卡——唐望巫士團體唯一剩下的兩名成員——來跟她說話,分不清是醒還是夢,不過按慣例蘇麗卡是醒時身份,那麼昨天摘的老佛琳達則是夢中。老佛琳達繼續說:
"The world of sorcerers is a world of solitariness, yet in it, love
forever. Like my love for the nugaul Julian. We move in the world of
sorcerers all by ourselves, accounting only for our acts, our feelings,
our impeccability. I've no longer any feelings. Whatever I had went away
with the nagual Julian. All I have left is my sense of will, of duty, of
purpose." (Being-in-Dreaming,
pp. 293-294)
當小佛琳達被悲傷所淹沒,她反問小佛琳達:「Where
is your impeccable purpose? What happened to all the things you've learned
with us?」這幾乎是全書的結論了。她提醒小佛琳達「Don't
find solace
安慰
in sympathy of others or in self-pity」。
下午我提到西藏諺語「看到人家鼻子上的一隻螞蟻卻沒看到自己鼻前一隻犛牛」,或是「只看到人間眼中一粒砂卻沒看到自己眼睛一根棟樑」——嗯蔽公司上下都沒聽說過後面這種說法。巫士不需要安慰也不容許自憐,沒說不能批評他人。後來蘇麗卡出現,補充了女巫士的「最後解釋」(唐望離世前也給予卡斯塔尼達有關於巫術的最後解釋):
"To be in the sorcerers' world one has to dream superbly. Most people
don't have the wits nor the size of spirit to dream. They cannot help but
see the world as ordinary and repetitious. And do you know why? Because if
you don't fight to avoid it, the world is indeed ordinary and repetitious.
Most people are so involved with themselves that they have become idiotic.
Idiots have no desire to fight to avoid ordinariness and repetitiousness."
(Being-in-Dreaming, p. 297)
這也是
ordinary
的真正意思,平常意識、一陳不變的生活,許多人的一生所做的就是不斷的重複自己。習氣也是如此,重複的夢不僅是業力也是習氣。夢修有什麼好處,可能目前我們都無法具體說個什麼出來,但是由夢可見習氣慢慢減少,稀奇新鮮逐漸取代,不是為了作夢好玩,而是為了一種持續的注意力。對於重複的老調我們沒有什麼注意力可言,我們永遠只會對新鮮新奇的事物抱持好奇心,這就是注意力。要說夢境是不是一種淨觀(pure
vision),端賴熟悉的事物比例多寡而定。蘇麗卡強調她所帶給小佛琳達的夢不僅僅是個夢,「It
was a sorcerers' dream, a vision.」(p.
299)
蘇麗卡指的是前面老佛琳達現身那段,就是小佛琳達的淨觀夢,因為那個夢告訴她該做什麼。接下來蘇麗卡解釋巫士團體的
nagual
之所以需要作夢者成員是因為需要的是做夢能量(dreaming
energy),而不是世俗感情跟世俗活動,「You
cannot be attached to the nagual as a person, but only as a mythical being.」(pp.
299-300)。蘇麗卡跟小佛琳達解釋:
"Only if the nagual is supported and upheld by his fellow dreamers can he
lead them into other viable worlds from which he can entice the bird of
freedom.
You have witness how the old nagual, as well as Isidoro Baltazar, by their
mere presence, affect whoever is around them, be it their fellow sorcerers
or just bystanders, making them aware that the world is a mystery where
nothing can be taken for granted under any circumstances." (Being-in-Dreaming,
p. 300)
這個
presence
有點意思,新時代翻譯成「臨在」,大圓滿同修會翻譯成「覺知」,我今天看達賴喇嘛《大圓滿》後面的備註,翻譯成「現前」,書裡是
spontaneous presence,「自然現前」。我個人覺得上段應該是「在場」的意思,小佛琳達作了以下還算本書中較有腦袋的省思:
For a long time I had been at a loss to understand how naguals could, by
their mere presence, make such difference. After careful observation,
comparing opinions with others, and endless introspection, I concluded
that their influence stemmed from their renunciation
出離
of worldly concerns. In our daily world, we also have examples of men and
women who have left worldly concerns behind. We call them mystics, saints,
religious people. But nuguals are neither mystics nor saints and are
certainly not religious men. Naguals are worldly men without a shred of
worldly concerns. (Being-in-Dreaming, p. 300)
「Worldly
men without a shred of worldly concerns」描述起來就好像大圓滿行者,總是過著不為人知的生活,特別是大師們貌如